Greetings ye readers! I am Prince Neil Laupland of the Pineapple Electorate in the Land of Cougleiala, a place within a dimension close to yours but never really connected. I have been recently appointed Reporter of the Lands to other realms of reality, and it is my duty to tell you more about the recent happenings and whatnot that abound here.
To start off, Cougleiala is a land of a fruitful civilization that is in the process of completely collapsing because it has outlived its lifespan of 500 years. Its people are either filthy rich or dirt poor; you can no longer see the middle.
When it comes to religion, its inhabitants believe in one Creator of the Skies and Lands, and alchemists discovered its name to be Ta’gaum. Anyone that dare spake the name, or even heard it being mentioned, would die a swift and painless death. In honor to this true deity altars of magnificent splendor were erected, ranging from flowery halls to labyrinthine castles of praise.
But the Golden Ages of Cougleiala would not last forever: the Vicarial Council of the year 9490 would bring this worship to complete ruin. Prayer used to be a means of channeling the powers of the elements to oneself by praying to Ta’gaum, and one would use these powers to accomplish everyday tasks. Nowadays, the Council mandates the use of these powers for summoning formidable beasts to drive out from the altars the believers who refused to pay due indulgences to keep the chapels funded. Such unspeakable beasts would be unleashed upon the rest of the land to keep the vicar’s pockets full of the fear they have instilled upon the poverty-stricken faithful. As a result, a great many Cougleialans lost faith and got scattered in the mundane pastures of godlessness.
Someday, when the evil wrought about by the vicars blooms to its unglorious ugliness of unctuous greed, Ta’gaum shall smite them with the rocks of rightful wrath and separate the faithful from the ingrate bastards.
In my next report, I shall explain the horror of these beasts and how they greatly demoralize and desensitize the people of Cougleiala. This is Prince Neil Cougleiala signing off and wishing the best of fortunes to thee, O readers of my report!